Circles of Support: How Teresa Starr Turns Struggle into Solidarity

By Alisha Proffitt 

When I met with Teresa Starr just one week after her mastectomy, she looked every bit like a Disney princess sitting on her front porch, hummingbirds visiting her as if to offer their own blessings. It was humbling to witness her carry so much grief and grace at once, and even more humbling that she was willing to speak so openly about an experience so raw and personal. 

Teresa was recently diagnosed with ductal carcinoma, stage one breast cancer. This is not her first battle with cancer. Ten years ago, she survived cervical cancer. These two diagnoses are unrelated, and she is not genetically predisposed to the disease. Still, a second fight is undeniably heavy. Compared to her first surgery, she says, this experience feels more vulnerable. “Having a surgery like that, you don’t see it,” she explained. “This is external. And this is very, very visible to everyone who knows me. And it feels more personal. And it feels more out there, and it feels like something I can’t hide.” 

Her decision to undergo a double mastectomy was not made lightly. “Knowing that I had breast cancer and I could have done the least, I could have had a lumpectomy, I could have started from there. But I chose a double mastectomy, because my tissue is so extremely dense that you cannot see through it at all. It could have been anywhere else, and even if they got it all the first time, it could have come back,” she said. “Don’t be afraid to do the hard thing to make sure you’re good in the long run.” 

At the same time, Teresa is quick to point out that no two cancer journeys are the same. “I don’t judge anybody who can’t or won’t do that, for different reasons. And doctors will recommend different things. Everybody’s body is different, everybody’s cancer is different, they’ll find it at different stages, and it’s ok to do what your doctor recommends. Trust yourself and trust your doctors. And do what you need to do and don’t be afraid to do whatever it is you have to go through, because there are support networks out there, even if you feel like you don’t have a big one now, there’s one out there waiting for you.” 

For Teresa, that network has included Louisville’s Gilda’s Club, where she has found comfort and community. “I would say everybody at Gilda’s feels like Gilda’s has been essential for them at some point,” she explained. “You don’t have to go every week. You don’t have to go to every event. You don’t have to go to the group sessions if group sessions are scary to you. You can go learn how to can vegetables or paint with somebody. They’ve really got something for everyone. Not every single thing is going to be for you. But find something and don’t isolate.” 

Her wider circle has rallied around her as well. Friends filled her refrigerator with meals, and her community threw her a going-away party for her breasts, organized by Kimberly Thompson. “I have never known that many people to come out and support me for anything in my entire life,” Teresa said. “So that was great to see everyone out there and they really care.” 

Even with all this love, she stresses the importance of balance. “The check-ins are nice. I will say it gets a bit much when it’s every day. But I understand that people worry. We don’t always know what we need. And sometimes it’s just space, and we need time to rest and heal. We get that everybody wants to be supportive, but we are going through a lot. Sometimes it’s hard, just feeling like you have to be strong for everybody else while they’re dealing with your diagnosis. Don’t be that person.”

She also speaks candidly about the anger that lingers long after a diagnosis. “Some of us have had cancer for ten years off and on, some of us have been battling it for ten years straight, some of us just got a diagnosis a couple months ago and a lot of us, regardless of what level you’re at, are still really f****** p***** off about it. It’s ok to still be mad about it. Because people are going to say that you should go through all these stages of grief and whatever, and then come to accept it. Not everybody does that. Not everybody does that at the same pace. And it’s ok to be really f****** p***** off about it. It’s ok to be mad. It’s ok to cry about it. But don’t let anybody make you feel like you should be at a certain stage of dealing with your cancer. It’s cancer. It’s your battle. Deal with it however the hell you want. 

Throughout this journey, her partner Chris Williams has been her steady support. The two met eight years ago and have been together ever since. During her recovery, Chris even brought his smoker home from his restaurant, Four Pegs, so he could cook while staying close to her. “I can’t experience what she’s going through,” Chris admitted. “So the best thing I can do is just try to support. Anything that she needs, just be there for her, just keep reminding her that she’s beautiful.” 

He also has plans to provide meals for Gilda’s Club members before their Tuesday night meetings, hoping to inspire other chefs and restaurants to join in. “I just want to say that the strength and grace that she’s shown through this whole process has been absolutely astounding,” Chris said. “She’s always been my rock, but just to see the strength that she’s had through this. And just to see the strength of those women at Gilda’s Club, the strength in this room of these women—I think that it is definitely underestimated, the strength that women have.” 

Teresa also wants people to understand that her story is part of a bigger picture, one that includes not just breast cancer but Parkinson’s, chronic illnesses, and other diagnoses that are present in every community. “Our friends are involved in the Parkinson’s Foundation. She’s going through it, I’m going through it,” Teresa said. “These things happen in these circles everywhere and people are affected by multiple things. And we can bring awareness to each other’s causes and support each other. Drawing all the circles and seeing where we all intersect, and then bringing those people together who make it feel like no one is as alone as they feel like they are.” 

Teresa is currently raising funds through a GoFundMe a friend started for her to cover medical bills and the income lost while she is unable to work. Any remaining funds, she says, will be donated to Gilda’s Club and to breast cancer research and community support. 

Her story and the story of countless others is not only one of survival but of strength and solidarity. “We all might not have the same diagnosis, but we can all be there for each other,” she said. 

You can contribute to her GoFundMe, and in doing so, help build the kind of community Teresa knows we are capable of, one where no one has to face their diagnosis alone. 

QR Code: Fundraiser for Teresa Starr by Amanda Masters: Teresa’s Fight Against Cancer 

For more information of the Gilda’s Club of Kentuckiana visit: gck.org