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Beautiful Nightmare: The Obstacle Is The Way

Written and photographed by Antonio Pantoja

Makeup Artist: Matt Goodlett

Models: Kanada Esteppe, Cleo Heine, & Jessica Zehnder


Hi, I’m Antonio Pantoja. I’m an under qualified son of an immigrant and a drug addict. I didn’t make it past the 8th grade, and I lived in a car by the time I was 15 years old. 


I shouldn’t be alive. And when I say that I mean that I almost died 2 years ago but I am so grateful to be here, to have a second chance at life. 


I had the widowmaker, meaning my main artery had 100% blockage, and it doesn’t show up on a standard EKG. So, if you go into the hospital you appear to be fine. Your heart isn’t beating irregularly. They have to do further testing to determine that you are in fact having a heart attack. And I don’t fit the normal description of someone having a heart attack either. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I’ve never done any drugs in my life. I eat clean and I go to the gym every single day. In fact, the heart attack happened at the gym. But when I went, they put me in the ICU overnight and transported me to Audubon in an ambulance to the heart specialists where they did heart surgery on me immediately. 


I say all of that to say this; you could be doing every single thing right in your life, but the universe might have different plans for you. But don’t focus on obstacles. The obstacle is the way. 


Simon Sinek says that the human brain cannot comprehend the negative. He says:

“I’ll prove it. I’ll give you an example. Don’t think of an elephant. Did you think of an elephant?”


We often reinforce things when we only think of the negative. “I can’t pass this test.” --- “I can’t get this job” --- “I can’t do this” versus “I’m gonna keep doing this” Pilots know this. It is well known in the pilot community that when you tell a pilot “Don’t hit the obstacle” they’ll hit the obstacle. Because what they’re doing is focusing on the obstacle. Skiers know this as well. If you’ve ever seen Skiers going through trees and you’re wondering how they do this, it’s easy. If you go through trees and you say to yourself “Don’t hit a tree, don’t hit a tree, don’t hit a tree” then you will only focus on trees. And you’ll wonder how anyone can ski through ALL OF THESE TREES. But if you focus on the path and ignore the trees, then you will ignore the obstacles. You’ll only follow the path. 


It’s your choice in how you choose to perceive. Don’t focus on the negative. Don’t focus on the obstacles. 


Find a way or create a way, but never create an excuse. NEVER focus on the obstacles. 


The photos on this set are a representation of overcoming obstacles. The messages embedded in these photos, “Memento Mori” and “Amor Fati” in Latin mean, “tomorrow is not promised” and “Love of fate”. Each model has an accompanying animal as their alter ego. 


My talented friend Matt Goodlett sent me an inspirational image and asked me to do a photo for him. He’s a renowned makeup artist and I really wanted to put him in the first ARTIST SPOTLIGHT that I hope to do every month for a different artist. You should get to know him, his work, his passion, and his spirit. 


I jumped in the light and shot a photo of myself. 


Memento Mori. 

There is someone lying in a hospital bed begging God for the opportunity that you have right now.


What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? Do it anyway. Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.


Every situation is a chance to learn, to grow. Nothing happens TO you. It happens FOR you. Change this perspective and you’ll even look at negative situations as an opportunity. Amor Fati. 


Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions speak louder than your words.


“FAILURE IS THE FIRST STEP” 

- ANDY PAUL




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