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Beautiful Nightmare: Perseverance and The Present

By Antonio Pantoja


This month’s featured artist is Grammy award-winning music mogul, King Dorian Washington.


He’s been nominated for 7 Grammys among many, many other accomplishments in the music and television industry. He’s managed NBA players, NFL players, and musicians such as Ray J, Static Major, and many other legends, but what truly defines him is his perseverance.

 

When Dorian was only 26 days old, his grandfather shot and killed his mother while she was holding him in her arms. His grandfather would then raise him. Let me repeat so you can understand; the man who murdered his mother raised him.


What I love so much about Dorian is his superpower; his ability to see greatness in people who couldn’t see it for themselves. 


The first time I met Dorian; he gave a profound speech about passion to a small group of aspiring artists. Bryson Tiller was also in the room among other successful artists who went on to do great things. We were all enamored with his presence and his perspective. He asked us all what we were passionate about. He went around the room and asked if he gave us a million dollars, what we’d do tomorrow. If you answered something that didn’t align with your passion, he didn’t want to work with you. He said, “If money can derail your passion, you aren’t passionate about it.”


Dorian believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Between him and my mentor Lee Kiper, they pushed me to do my own first feature film. 


A lot of artists struggle to find their tribe. But I think it’s very important to find people who can see your potential even if you can’t see it yourself. 


I believe that Dorian is a great embodiment of someone who wasn’t willing to settle or accept the hand they were dealt. You can become your family’s history, or you can overcome it. You’ll never see him anywhere without his wife Maemae who I plan to photograph in the coming months. 


And just like Lee Kiper and Dorian have always told me, “The only time you should ever look down on someone is when you’re helping them up”.


The image of Justin Sinkler breaking out of the Matrix was personal to both of us. It’s about breaking out of the monotony of the machine. “The matrix” that is social media, judgment, anxiety – and showing your face again. It reminded me of that moment when you’ve been in a depression, and you wake up one day and the fog has lifted a little. 


The shot of Laura Kirkpatrick is one of my favorites. She was on America’s Next Top Model at the time and the stylist, Gunnar Deatherage was on Project Runway. Raina Trimble made the dress completely out of printer paper. Isidro Valencia always shines on makeup and Joey Goldsmith helped me too. 


The images of Katie Kinman, casting Director for Campbell Talent Group, actress, and fight choreographer were a culmination of lots of different ideas. The CRT television is a representation of her love and involvement in film. Very necessary. She can out-hustle anyone. You can see the TV static bleeding in through the windows. 


Cleo Heine is a rainbow. When I think of compassion, I think of her. She is grounded to earth in the purest way. She’s in the image standing in the clawfoot tub with a teddy bear. 


To close, I wanted to mention how your imagination is your greatest tool. But you have to learn to harness its power. I suffer from severe anxiety and depression. In other words, things that have not happened yet; anxiety. And things that have happened in the past; depression. If you can find something that makes you live in the present, somehow, anxiety and depression seem to go away. Even if only for a moment. You aren’t concerned with how much money you have in the bank, what your body fat percentage is, or who screamed at you when you were 11. 


If you suffer from anxiety (the future) and/or depression (the past), you have to find something that puts you in the present moment. It doesn’t even have to be art. It could be your kids, your pets, the gym, or your family. 


I always turn to art. Not to forget, but to remember who I am. It’s a vulnerability. You are pulling back the curtain and letting people have a peek inside your soul. 


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