Introductions have implications

| June 22, 2011

ShhhWe’ve all dated the wrong person. I’ve knowingly dated people I did not foresee a future with.

When you are playing the field, often you will meet someone who’s right for the moment, someone who hits a few notes that makes sense at the time. Maybe it is purely physical attraction, a shared interest or just a need for temporary companionship.

But the key word in that last sentence was “or.”

If someone can send goose bumps up your spine with a single kiss, but the thought of discussing anything more in-depth than what you had for lunch yesterday is painful, then keep your rendezvous under wraps.

There’s nothing wrong with trying on a few hats, but the moment you start making introductions, the repercussions become two-fold.

When you’re living in the moment with some flavor of the week, month or maybe even the summer, it’s imperative that you don’t launch that person into your circle of friends and family. Introductions have implications.

The presence of an outsider as your date to an important function is a huge step towards a relationship, whether you intend to head down that path or not. Your peers will feel compelled to judge this person as someone potentially significant in your life. And if he or she is not a good match for you, an uproar from those near and dear can and should be expected.

Anyone with your best interest at heart will feel obligated to voice their concerns about the pairing. There will be discussion among them behind your back, and eventually some unlucky individual will be nominated to speak on behalf of the group as an intervention.

Not only are premature or erroneous introductions difficult for family and friends, but they are misleading to the other party involved. Believe me; I’ve been on the receiving end of this conundrum.

Historically, an invitation to meet someone’s family was a rite of passage. Justifiably, both the family and new guest are under the impression that the introduction holds some significance.

Today, introductions are often made hastily out of convenience or cowardice. It’s easier to invite someone along whose company you enjoy rather than explain that you have no long-term intentions.

Sometimes the conditions of the relationship are assumed to be mutual, and other times the perpetrator is in denial that the connection simply isn’t there.

Consequently, your date is thrown to the wolves. Someone who, in most cases, is a fine individual and would be perfectly acceptable to fill any other role in your life is suddenly in an awkward situation. It’s unfair to put someone in that position.

So it’s best to evaluate the gravity of the event you receive an “and guest” for and whether or not it’s logical to bring someone new into the mix.

Summer is the best time of year for a fling, and someone who doesn’t fulfill all of your long-term relationship criteria may be a stepping stone towards finding someone who does.

But this person should not be allowed to perform the duties of a girlfriend or boyfriend in the mean time.

Introducing Mr. or Ms. Right Now to your inner circle poses a sticky situation for all parties involved, and it’s easily avoidable if a little foresight is applied.

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Category: Dating and Relating

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