Beware of dead-end dates

| August 3, 2011

I’ve already addressed that while granting someone a pity date may seem like the polite thing to do, it’s a cowardly act. Yet it’s in our nature to please, and we just keep overshadowing the virtue of honesty with the rejection that’s implied. So many opt to slowly peel the Band-Aid back rather than just rip it off.

At the moment, I’m advising two friends at very different stages on the dating spectrum, and I’ve realized a common thread. Whether it’s a first date or your 50th, there’s got to be another, more effective approach to convince someone that they are settling.

I found myself giving the same counsel to the friend wrestling over the idea of a first date with someone who’s never seemed less appealing as I did to another friend who’s painstakingly tried to keep the peace with someone who’s ultimately wasted her efforts and emotions for more than a year.

Your time is important.

Time spent on a dead-end date or in a loveless relationship is time that could have gone toward a multitude of productive life, love and personal goals.

As someone in a committed relationship, I’ve discovered how thinly spread my social life has become now that I’ve inherited a second set of friends and family. It’s a welcomed blessing, but I do miss the days where I was universally available to participate in whatever my single posse was doing.

Rather than fill relationship downtime with a series of doomed dates, use this time to strengthen the relationships you can count on.

Many see the act of going on a date as progressive, regardless of compatibility. But dating just to get out of the house is pathetic.
When I do the math on the all of the errands and extracurricular activities (like writing this column!) that I need to squeeze into my work week, there is maybe only a day or two left to have some fun.

Don’t waste these precious moments with someone you don’t foresee a future with. Invest in some “me” time.

Perform your daily to-do list at leisure or tap into that hobby or project you keep putting on the back burner. Would you rather be on date just to say you went out or actually doing something that’s beneficial?

Lastly, you never know when love will find you, but the chances of it happening while you’re on a date with someone else are remote. Don’t ward off Mr. or Mrs. Right by keeping someone subpar in the picture.

Yes, dating should be adventurous and there are risks involved, but you know when someone just isn’t what you’re looking for. It’s not close-minded to listen to your heart.

We all experience the warning signs of failure, whether it’s hesitation early on because something just doesn’t feel right or agony over an unrelenting issue that just can’t be mended.

You could opt to give it a try or stick with that person expecting a different outcome, but in the end, you’re doing yourself a big disservice. It’s your time, use it wisely.

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Category: Dating and Relating

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