“We surveyed 100 married women: name a possession your husband pays more attention to than you.”

And some amateur player answered, “sports,” which didn’t even make sense in the context of the question.

Of course, it wasn’t on the survey, and I started to berate her family for including her as member of their team.

But then again, I think every woman in America knows exactly what she meant.
Men cannot physically possess sports, but they certainly are possessed by them.

With football season now in full swing, I’ve been rudely reminded of what it feels like to pose questions that go unanswered until halftime and to be greeted with a laugh at the thought of weekend afternoons being productive again before February.

But I realized I’m fighting a losing battle when we didn’t miss a moment of the Michigan vs. Notre Dame game only to hear my boyfriend announce during it that he actively hates both teams. So now we watch football just to be watching apparently?
So given that the sport is here to stay, I’ve come up with a few tactics to keep football season engaging for those of us who can’t tell a touchdown from a field goal.

Join In

You won’t catch me painting my face or sporting a team jersey, but I enjoy a good theme party just as much as the next guy. So last weekend, I threw on my favorite navy and white dress, accessorized with a few orange accents and voila – Bears fan!

Dig In

We walked up to our neighborhood tavern and any excuse to have a cocktail and nachos in the middle of the day is good enough for me. I tuned out the football and instead took in the atmosphere. Good food, good friends and wait a minute …

All the Single Ladies

It was 1 p.m. on a Sunday and the place was packed with tons of eligible bachelors. Single gals, I hope you’re taking notes.  No dimly lit bar, no cover charge and no chance that some loser will ask you to dance. It’s broad daylight and here they all are!

Make it Relatable

Pay no attention to all that talk about who’s in the pocket and who got sacked. Reality TV and popular magazines have given sports stars an arena to collide with our favorite celebrities. Make the game du jour a human interest story. Who’s engaged to Kim Kardashian this week? Are Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen expecting again? While he’s keeping score, I’m keeping tabs on the gossip.

Pick a Team

You don’t have to know the stats; there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll pick a winner every time! Four hours of football is much more tolerable when you’re invested, so make a friendly wager.

For most men, football is a rite of passage. A man without football is a woman without style. It’s how they communicate, and that’s not changing anytime soon.
Luckily, football is a sport that’s rooted in tradition, and it’s in those rituals that someone like me can get excited.

My boyfriend was laid off back in February, and at the time, the topic was too sensitive for me to explore in this column. It was one of the most trying times we’ve experienced as a couple.

It’s an enormous blow to a man’s ego to lose his job, even if it’s through no fault of his own. I was shocked by the toll it took on him physically and psychologically. It was difficult to witness, and in many ways, I felt my presence exacerbated the situation. But we got through it, and we’re stronger for it.

Now unexpectedly, we find ourselves in the same predicament only months later. Yet, this time around, we are both mentally equipped to handle it.

Given that unemployment has struck many relationships, I’d like to share my findings on the strategies that proved effective for us in the coping process.

Stay Busy

Just because you don’t report to the office anymore, doesn’t mean you’re on vacation. Try your best to keep a routine; set an alarm and have an agenda with objectives for each day. It will keep you motivated, and the perseverance will not go unnoticed by your partner.

Get Out of The House

Take your laptop to a local coffee shop and work on the job search there. Leaving the comfort of your own home provides a sense of normalcy. It’s a reason to get dressed in the morning, and the atmosphere keeps you away from distractions like TV and household chores. Everyone needs a healthy dose of human interaction.

Know When To Stop

It’s unrealistic to expect that every waking moment of the day will be filled with job hunting. Be proactive, but practical. There’s only so much you can do in 24 hours, and you’ll drive yourself crazy obsessing if you don’t escape from it periodically.

Accept Help

Whether it’s proof-reading your resume or hunting leads, your significant other wants to participate in your success. Working together to solve the issue is a healthy outlet for both parties to handle the stress.

Cut Back Together

One of the biggest advantages to being in a relationship while unemployed is the fact that you have someone there who enjoys your company and needs little else. Take advantage of the extra one-on-one time with at-home movie night or do-it-yourself Sunday brunch. You’re not only saving money, but you’re strengthening your bond.

Do What You Can

When my boyfriend lost his job, he was suddenly very aware of his contribution to our relationship. No offense to him, but I wasn’t exactly being showered with gifts while he was employed nor would I ever expect that.
He needed reassurance that he was in some way providing for me and found purpose in doing one of my daily errands or chores. He’d pick up my dry cleaning or do the dishes. It was a sweet gesture and huge help. To be honest, I’d take a clean house over flowers any day.

Look to Each Other

A strong relationship is rooted in many things, and your partner’s employment status should not be one of them. Unemployment is a difficult chapter for any relationship because of the spectrum of emotions it evokes. Anyone who would leave you in a time of need like that is not with you for the right reasons.
Be open with your partner about the process and your state of mind. Communication is paramount in any relationship, and in times of trouble, that goes two-fold.

I come from long line of hamster owners – maybe a fish or two – but never anything that wasn’t confined to a cage or tank for most of its existence. It certainly took some convincing on my boyfriend’s part to bring me on board, but dog ownership has granted me access into a club I never knew existed.

This new lifestyle and subsequent recent introductions got me thinking about the benefits dog owners can have in the dating realm.

Active Lifestyle

As an apartment dweller, my dog must do his business and get his exercise on public domain.

So whether it’s a long walk through Cherokee Park or a quick stroll around the block, a trip through the building lobby is required, and I am bound to run into someone along that path.

Not to mention, this routine happens four or five times daily. It occurs rain or shine, heat or cold. It’s not only healthy for me physically, but it offers the opportunity to share a quick “hello” or perhaps more with anyone passing by.

We all know that the key to finding that special someone is putting yourself out there. Having a dog provides that chance in a manner that’s more casual yet personalized than any bar could ever offer.

Instant Icebreaker

If my dog runs up and puts his wet nose against your thigh or loses his mind because your dog is 10 feet away, I will feel compelled to at least say “hi” and acknowledge his behavior.

More often than not, complete strangers will come over and want to pet him. Typically, they inquire about his breed and age and then share about their own dogs even if they aren’t present at the time.

Having a dog has cued more introductions than I would ever feel comfortable making on my own because it’s a conversation starter. Other dog lovers can relate and want to talk about our common ground.

This is a paramount tool to anyone who’s single and looking. Simply having a dog with you can strike up a dialogue with someone you didn’t have the nerve to approach or someone you would have never considered otherwise.

Background Check

In general, dog owners are more likely to be stable, responsible, loving and patient individuals. The act simply requires it.

It’s a test in selflessness to own a dog and while the efforts don’t go unreciprocated, there is a laundry list of steps to dog care that include: multiple daily walks, even in inclement weather; boarding or finding a sitter during vacations; and all of the expenses that are incurred from food and gear.

So maybe owning a dog is not your thing, but looking for dog owners could shed some insight into a person’s core values.

Dog ownership is a commitment and those who do it well, generally speaking, have the fundamental characteristics of a good mate.

So I’m not suggesting you go out and buy a dog to use as a wingman if you’re not a dog lover. But whether it’s the daily routines of dog ownership or just observation of those who own dogs, there’s something for everyone when it comes to dogs and dating.

At the moment, I’m advising two friends at very different stages on the dating spectrum, and I’ve realized a common thread. Whether it’s a first date or your 50th, there’s got to be another, more effective approach to convince someone that they are settling.

I found myself giving the same counsel to the friend wrestling over the idea of a first date with someone who’s never seemed less appealing as I did to another friend who’s painstakingly tried to keep the peace with someone who’s ultimately wasted her efforts and emotions for more than a year.

Your time is important.

Time spent on a dead-end date or in a loveless relationship is time that could have gone toward a multitude of productive life, love and personal goals.

As someone in a committed relationship, I’ve discovered how thinly spread my social life has become now that I’ve inherited a second set of friends and family. It’s a welcomed blessing, but I do miss the days where I was universally available to participate in whatever my single posse was doing.

Rather than fill relationship downtime with a series of doomed dates, use this time to strengthen the relationships you can count on.

Many see the act of going on a date as progressive, regardless of compatibility. But dating just to get out of the house is pathetic.
When I do the math on the all of the errands and extracurricular activities (like writing this column!) that I need to squeeze into my work week, there is maybe only a day or two left to have some fun.

Don’t waste these precious moments with someone you don’t foresee a future with. Invest in some “me” time.

Perform your daily to-do list at leisure or tap into that hobby or project you keep putting on the back burner. Would you rather be on date just to say you went out or actually doing something that’s beneficial?

Lastly, you never know when love will find you, but the chances of it happening while you’re on a date with someone else are remote. Don’t ward off Mr. or Mrs. Right by keeping someone subpar in the picture.

Yes, dating should be adventurous and there are risks involved, but you know when someone just isn’t what you’re looking for. It’s not close-minded to listen to your heart.

We all experience the warning signs of failure, whether it’s hesitation early on because something just doesn’t feel right or agony over an unrelenting issue that just can’t be mended.

You could opt to give it a try or stick with that person expecting a different outcome, but in the end, you’re doing yourself a big disservice. It’s your time, use it wisely.

Unfortunately, this summer has left me with a case of déjà vu as every weekend seems to begin with a rehearsal dinner and end with an extended trip back to Louisville after celebrating someone’s wedding the night before.

Luckily, each occasion has been unique in its own right and brought fresh insights into the do’s and don’ts of wedding decorum.

This week’s topic comes from a friend who’s in a wedding in which the bridal party will make their grand entrance into the reception performing a choreographed dance to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.”

As someone who couldn’t clap on beat during the obligatory sorority songs at the last wedding I attended, the thought of executing an actual dance routine makes me want to peel my skin off.

Aside from the level of skill and guts (eh, alcohol) it would take to make this idea even remotely easy to swallow for all involved, the concept is so specific to a 2011 trend that it makes me wonder what the bride will have to say about this 10 or 20 years from now.

According to Wikipedia, the lyrics to “Poker Face” are about bisexuality and gambling. Chances are, anyone in attendance over 50 is going to have no idea what’s going on.

Weddings should be personalized yet forever registered as a day of timeless beauty. So how do you put your stamp on the big day with a nod to the now and not embarrass yourself for years to come?

The key to working in flair from current trends is in the placement. Staples like the dress and floral arrangements are something you have to live with from now until eternity and should not be a platform for an overly creative license.

Leave any sweeping gestures free from fads that will be grounds for future judgment – by your guests and possibly yourself. It’s the supporting details that can truly individualize your wedding.

Menu

Food is an easy vehicle for innovation. No one is going to reflect back on your wedding years later and laugh because sliders were on the buffet, yet a smorgasbord of assorted mini-burgers might be creative and something that guests find refreshing over the traditional sit-down dinner of meat and potatoes.

Wedding menus are becoming more personalized and less formal than in year’s past. Often it’s a collection of the bride and groom’s favorite dishes – some of which might not necessarily go together – and that’s OK.

Music

If Lady Gaga is No. 1 on your iPod then by all means she should be played at your wedding later in the evening. And so should any other radio favorite. These songs will be enjoyed by guests and undoubtedly keep the dance floor hopping.
Just don’t center your first dance or any other signature element of the wedding on a meaningless trendy tune for shock value.

Extras

Any of the bonus touches that are included in your wedding package are up for grabs when it comes to modernization.

Photo booths can be stocked with over-the-top costumes or the signature cocktail could be infused with the latest liqueur. These concepts are uncustomary, so there are no predetermined expectations.

There’s a reason Vera Wang doesn’t make a romper version of the wedding gown and engagements aren’t sealed with a mood ring. Trends come and go, and it’s important to recognize their place.

While everyone will remember the main characters, the supporting cast is just as imperative to the success of the show. Save yourself the humiliation and shy away from a 2011-themed wedding.

Monday night’s are centered on ABC’s “The Bachelorette,” and it pains me that I’ve found some semblance of dating insight from a show that’s rooted in lowered expectations and unrealistic circumstances. But much to my chagrin, there was a token of inspiration in the June 27 episode.

After a handful of weekly episodes agonizingly laced with bachelorette Ashley’s remorse over a contestant that dismissed himself early, she finds the so-called closure she needs to move forward.

Armed with a new attitude and the chance for a fresh start, she quickly muddies her next one-on-one date with an awkward confession on the full-circle progression of her relationship with a former contestant.

Her rationale? She wants her relationships going forward to be rooted in honesty.

Honest she was, but her disclosure was T.M.I. – game show or not.

What I found telling was the timing of her news and the person she chose to divulge it to first.

Mind you, this guy not only got an earful on her premature desire for another contestant, he was on the receiving end of a first date in which she chose to wear her pajamas because she was heartbroken earlier in the season.

In terms of looks, charm and maturity, this guy would appear to be a front runner, but her level of comfort with him at such an early stage makes me question if she foresees anything romantic stemming from their relationship.

Is there such thing as being too comfortable too soon?

In a recent survey, Cosmopolitan reader’s revealed that on average they will wait 10 weeks before presenting themselves completely devoid of makeup to someone they are dating. While it sounds vain, there’s a deeper message behind this front.

It’s not that they’re hiding or self-absorbed, but how you present yourself is the most basic way to say, “I care.”

For church, we put on our Sunday best as an act of reverence. For a business meeting or job opportunity, we dress professionally. Special events often come with an invitation that indicates the suggested dress code like “black tie optional” or “business casual,” so everyone is on the same page.

Like it or not, whether it’s a business prospect or a wedding reception, your outward appearance is your first impression.
And this becomes even more pertinent in dating where physical attraction is a factor.

Not only was dressing to impress the last thing on Ashley’s mind for her first date with this contestant, but she was bursting to divulge her unfinished business with another man and chose her date with this contestant as a platform.

She revealed the news as if it was something she needed to get off her chest for his benefit, but the confession was nothing short of girl talk. It ranks right up there with celebrity gossip and a sale on designer footwear.

There’s a difference between being forthright and being an open book. Your date does not want or need to hear about those who came before him. And even more so, if the other guy’s relationship with you overlaps with his. It’s not lying unless he asks, and trust me, he won’t.

I’m having flashbacks to a column I wrote last summer after my boyfriend and I became official. As the word “girlfriend” was becoming a mainstay in my life, I was uncovering the differences between simply dating someone and calling him my significant other. My biggest shock about a defined relationship was its casual nature, in both attire and demeanor.

It took me longer than most to settle into the idea that a date could be conducted without me wearing anything short of my favorite sundress, but I came around.

The point is we all test our comfort levels with dating. Some people naturally put others at ease. Others take longer to fully relax. A connection should never be uncomfortable, but every solid relationship starts with butterflies – that tinge of excitement over not knowing what’s possible with that person. That unknown keeps us on our toes and it should drive you to look, feel and be your best.

When you are playing the field, often you will meet someone who’s right for the moment, someone who hits a few notes that makes sense at the time. Maybe it is purely physical attraction, a shared interest or just a need for temporary companionship.

But the key word in that last sentence was “or.”

If someone can send goose bumps up your spine with a single kiss, but the thought of discussing anything more in-depth than what you had for lunch yesterday is painful, then keep your rendezvous under wraps.

There’s nothing wrong with trying on a few hats, but the moment you start making introductions, the repercussions become two-fold.

When you’re living in the moment with some flavor of the week, month or maybe even the summer, it’s imperative that you don’t launch that person into your circle of friends and family. Introductions have implications.

The presence of an outsider as your date to an important function is a huge step towards a relationship, whether you intend to head down that path or not. Your peers will feel compelled to judge this person as someone potentially significant in your life. And if he or she is not a good match for you, an uproar from those near and dear can and should be expected.

Anyone with your best interest at heart will feel obligated to voice their concerns about the pairing. There will be discussion among them behind your back, and eventually some unlucky individual will be nominated to speak on behalf of the group as an intervention.

Not only are premature or erroneous introductions difficult for family and friends, but they are misleading to the other party involved. Believe me; I’ve been on the receiving end of this conundrum.

Historically, an invitation to meet someone’s family was a rite of passage. Justifiably, both the family and new guest are under the impression that the introduction holds some significance.

Today, introductions are often made hastily out of convenience or cowardice. It’s easier to invite someone along whose company you enjoy rather than explain that you have no long-term intentions.

Sometimes the conditions of the relationship are assumed to be mutual, and other times the perpetrator is in denial that the connection simply isn’t there.

Consequently, your date is thrown to the wolves. Someone who, in most cases, is a fine individual and would be perfectly acceptable to fill any other role in your life is suddenly in an awkward situation. It’s unfair to put someone in that position.

So it’s best to evaluate the gravity of the event you receive an “and guest” for and whether or not it’s logical to bring someone new into the mix.

Summer is the best time of year for a fling, and someone who doesn’t fulfill all of your long-term relationship criteria may be a stepping stone towards finding someone who does.

But this person should not be allowed to perform the duties of a girlfriend or boyfriend in the mean time.

Introducing Mr. or Ms. Right Now to your inner circle poses a sticky situation for all parties involved, and it’s easily avoidable if a little foresight is applied.

With that in mind, there are some ground rules every guest should uphold:

Manage Your Time

More often than not, destination weddings are held in picturesque locals and it’s tempting to view the trip as a personal vacation.

But you must be mindful of the wedding itinerary. Receiving an invitation to someone’s wedding (even if you’re only a date) means the bride and groom deemed you as someone important in their lives to bear witness to their commitment.

Be on time. If you don’t know the schedule, ask someone. There’s nothing more distracting than people funneling in during the nuptials.

If you plan to spend time poolside, avoid overindulging in pina coladas and be sure to pack sunscreen.  Arriving drunk, hungover or miserably sunburnt is just plain rude.

If you’re hankering for some extended leisure time, take a couple extra days off after the wedding to enjoy the locale and all it has to offer – on your own time.

It’s Not Your Day

Every wedding is different and no one wants to hear your two cents about the execution. We are all afforded the opportunity to get married in some right, and when you have your big day, you can do whatever you please.

Don’t fuss over the details. If the hors d’oeuvres are not to your liking, yellow makes your complexion ruddy or you’re allergic to calla lilies, make a mental note for your own benefit. This is not information that should be verbalized.

Everyone in attendance is either a friend or family to the couple. Your ungrateful criticisms are very likely to fall upon listening ears and get back to the hosts.

Respect Other Guests

It seems like it would go without saying that manners should be present at a wedding, but hear me out.

Weddings are one of the few social events where multiple generations of relatives are present. What you would wear to a club or a night on the town is probably not appropriate for this type of event.

Your grandparents may not be present at the wedding, but someone else’s very well could be. Make sure what you wear would be suitable for a date with grandma.

Moreover, clothing that is too miniature or excessively flamboyant is off-putting not only to other guests, but it diverts attention from the bride, who should be the focus at all times. And hopefully we all know only the bride should be wearing white!

Weddings are expensive productions and every head adds to that count. Show your gratitude for the invitation and be in your best form.

In the words of noted etiquette aficionado, Emily Post, “The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him or herself, communing with fellow guests, and most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts.”

All in all, it’s great. But as with any new endeavor, there’s going to be a learning curve. For me, it’s been discovering the ins and outs of a male’s daily life.

Sports

In the list of adjectives commonly used to describe me, “athletic” and “sporty” are rightfully absent. I may power walk on a sunny day or sprint through a sidewalk sale, but you won’t catch me losing sleep over the NBA playoffs.

For some reason my 27-inch Sylvania TV circa 2002 was vetoed during the packing process, and since moving in together, we are now sharing his flat screen. And so my knowledge of sports statistics has grown exponentially.

I can now name the starting lineup for the Chicago Bulls, and the other day I actually walked into the living room and caught myself saying, “Oh, that’s Urban Meyer, right?”

This is information I don’t care to know, but it’s impossible not to absorb it when the coverage is never-ending. I was legitimately on suicide watch during the NFL draft. Four days with six hours of televised draft picks plus highlights and analysis was cruel and unusual punishment for a girl who prides herself on “Grey’s Anatomy” and reality TV.

Bodily Functions

It’s no news flash that boys are gross, and even after six months of dating, I was painfully aware of what I was signing up for. But what’s struck me now that we live together is my immunity to it. OK, immunity might be a strong word, but I’m certainly tolerant.

I recently received a midweek 3 a.m. phone call from my sister that startled us both. But as I scrambled to silence my phone like a normal person, he stirred and farted. Twice. Loudly. The act was so familiar that it went unacknowledged, but in hindsight, it was altogether disgusting.

I never thought I’d come to a point in my life where I needed to find a bathroom accessory to house and disguise magazines and matches. I’m not kidding.

Grooming

While it takes me two hours to get ready to go out, it’s just insulting to witness how simple a male’s getting-ready process is. In the time it takes him to shower, change and maybe shave, I’ve managed to blow dry a third of my hair.

Meanwhile, he squeezes in a nap, checks his e-mail and has a few cocktails while I finish steps four through 15. So not fair!

But for every trivial gripe I’ve shared, there are a dozen perks. He DVRs my favorite shows when I forget and even finds new programs that he thinks I might like and records those too. I essentially have a live-in iTunes genius, but for TV.

He does my laundry and folds it exactly the way I like. Mind you, “the way I like” is compulsive and probably totally annoying to someone who keeps most of his laundry in a pile on the floor.

I have someone to investigate scary noises, open tightly sealed jars and even change light bulbs in hard to reach places. But these are all secondary to the fact that I have a companion and a confidant; someone to share and enhance my day-to-day to life.

Truthfully, the pros of living together far outweigh the cons. And I would not have made the decision to cohabitate if I didn’t feel it was the right one. But as someone who lived alone for five years, having a roommate was an enormous step, but having a male one has undoubtedly been an eye opener!

Copyright 2010 Mario Testino.

Am I the only human being who didn’t give a flip about the royal wedding?

Reportedly, more than 23 million Americans tuned into the television coverage that started at 3 a.m. EST on April 27. I have friends who took off work to not miss it. I even know someone who sent out legitimate wedding invitations for a viewing party at his house.

We don’t know Will and Kate. We were not invited. We’re not even British!

What really struck me was how millions of women who have been planning their dream wedding since birth were captivated by this event. Aside from marrying into the title of “princess,” Kate’s wedding was anything but a fairy tale. Forget modern, simple or edgy, by nature British royal weddings are heavily rooted in age old traditions that must be upheld.

Religious Restrictions
Before the wedding can even take place, there is the approval process. The 1701 Act of Settlement prohibits royals from marrying Catholics. For a royal bride or groom, violating this stipulation would mean forfeiting his or her place in line for the throne.

Predetermined Venue
Will and Kate’s wedding was held at Westminster Abbey which became a mainstay for royal weddings in 1919 after the previous locale, the Chapel Royal at St. James Palace was deemed too small.

The Bridal Party
Traditionally, English brides are escorted by a group of bridesmaids; typically girls between the ages of 10-12. Kate upheld the tradition but also included her sister, Pippa. And at the ripe old age of 27, she will go down in England’s history as the oldest royal bridesmaid to date.

Bouquet Requirements
Since the marriage of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert in 1840, English royal brides have carried a sprig of myrtle, known as the herb of love, in their bouquet. Thankfully, the bouquet is not required to be entirely made of myrtle as Queen Victoria’s was, but nonetheless the herb must be present.

Kate actually left her bouquet at the grave of the unknown warrior at Westminster Abbey in honor of those who have served in the armed forces. A noble gesture, but further evidence to how public and political her special day was.

Obligatory Invitations
Will and Kate sent out nearly 2,000 invitations to their nuptials. Among that guest list were fellow royals, foreign leaders, church officials and diplomats. Sounds more like a corporate function than a personal celebration.

Impersonalized Ceremony
Writing one’s own vows is out of the question. Pandemonium resulted in 1999 when Sophie, Countess of Wessex, promised to “honor, cherish and obey” Prince Edward. Imagine omitting anything with specific personal meaning from your ceremony for fear of public backlash.

Reception Itinerary
Typically, British weddings take place at noon and are followed by a formal luncheon called a “wedding breakfast.” Subsequent to the meal is a public kiss scheduled to take place at 1:30 p.m. on the balcony at Buckingham Palace.

Weddings are typically a reflection of the couple and the receiving line is an opportunity to meet and greet all of the important people in your lives that took the time to be present. For a future princess, the reception is more so a public relations balancing act.

It seems to me that the wedding obsessed would frown upon the lack of creativity involved in the royal wedding. Kate truly had little say in the occasion. When I think about all the wedding details that make future brides gush with excitement, working a sleeve into the gown design isn’t one of them. And don’t even get me started on the wedding “fruit” cake.

All criticism aside, I am very happy for the newlyweds. But weddings are only relevant to me if A. I’m invited and B. requests for Tina Turner’s “Proud Mary” are unlimited. And from what I can gather, that was not the case at Will’s and Kate’s.

Some information was obtained from http://shine.yahoo.com